#ImRunningFor
…myself and all the other people like me who have contemplated or attempted suicide in their lifetime because of their fight with mental illness.
In 2014, I started the crazy journey that is college. Before I found collegiate life, I’d spent much of my time exercising and spending time with friends and my boyfriend. I struggled intermittently with depressive symptoms, but I knew I had a support system who loved and cared for me, and I struggled on because of them.
However, when I got to college, my world was flipped upside-down, as it often is for brand new students. My roommate and I were quickly shaping up to be less than friends, I missed my friends back home immensely, and to boot, my high school boyfriend and I broke up quickly that year. I wanted to make new friends, but I increasingly found myself paralyzed in social situations, unable to even utter a word to a new person, let alone to strike up a conversation long enough to ask them to spend time together.
I found myself incredibly alone in an unfamiliar city full of strangers. I spent all of my time in solitude watching television online or studying, and in between found myself crying or simply ruminating on how unimportant and unloved I felt. I felt like nobody would care if I disappeared the next day, or even in the next few minutes. Therefore, in November 2014, after a few months of this lonely, despaired existence, I made the decision to take my own life. I won’t go into the gory details, but I will say that I was one of the lucky few who had some kind of a guardian angel watching over me.
Just before I made an attempt on my own life, I had been messaging someone I’d met online. We often shared a lot of the same depressive feelings and anxieties, and I had found some sense of comfort in messaging them at the time. I sent them a message just before I made the attempt on my life – a last cry for help – suggesting I wanted to do it that day.
I’ve never been more thankful for the decision to send a text in my life. After frantically texting me and getting no response, my internet friend found the number of my campus police after some longwinded detective work through my Facebook profile, and called them to find me. They showed up at my door, got the RA to let them in, and saved me just before it was too late.
Although my depression was not cured by this salvation, I was sent to mandatory counseling. This counseling, coupled with an education on mental illnesses (I’d started taking Psychology classes around this time), helped me find the courage to value my life again.
Today, I have been seeing a counselor for nearly six years, and haven’t had a depressive episode in three, thanks to a kind stranger on the internet and comprehensive counseling and education. I was lucky to have resources readily available at my disposal, however, most people do not have the same access that I had. That’s why I’m running in the K4K Virtual 5K – to help others be aware of the importance of maintaining mental illness and the importance of education for mental health.
Please join me in running this exciting 5K, or if you can’t join me due to monetary or physical constraints, please show this amazing organization some love through monetary donations on their website or by giving them a follow on Facebook or Instagram today. Let’s run for our lives together!
Submitted by: Kayley S. - Dallas, Texas